He may seem like the kind of person to do so, but Kibum doesn't like showing anyone his weak side. (Except, of course, when they receive awards and such.)
He doesn't like crying on anyone's shoulder, or ranting about his problems to anyone. Instead, he feels, as the group's "umma", that it was his job to do that.
But when his grandmother dies, everything suddenly feels too overwhelming.
Nevertheless, he takes a break from all the singing and dancing, and goes back to his hometown. He goes to the funeral, where everyone's crying, and bawling. Everyone but him. He's the one who was standing tall, comforting everyone. As much as he wanted to cry, he felt that he should be strong. For his grandmother.
There's this huge lump in his throat that's hard to swallow, and he feels like he's going to burst out crying on the way home, but he doesn't.
He throws his things dejectedly on the floor when he gets home, and everyone's waiting for him in the living room. Everyone was full of "I'm sorry" and "Feel better soon", and "she's in a better place now". Except for Jonghyun.
Except for Jonghyun.
The blonde strides over to give him a hug, and says "Welcome back", with a goofy smile on his face, and Kibum can't help but smile back.
When it's 2 in the morning, and everyone else is asleep, Kibum stares up at the ceiling, waiting for the tears to come. But they don't.
Jonghyun is also awake in the bed across Kibum's, just waiting.
Just when he's about to drift off to sleep, he feels the bed dip beside him; he knows it's Kibum.
The younger one buries his head in Jonghyun's chest and clings onto the fabric of his shirt.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Jjong. I'm going to be selfish tonight and cry. Will you let me?"
Jonghyun runs his fingers through Kibum's hair and smiles slightly.
"Of course." he says simply, and he doesn't look, because he knows more than anyone that Kibum wouldn't want him to.
So Kibum cries, and wails, and sobs, and Jonghyun's smile turns into a frown. It's as if he feels Kibum's sadness seeping into his own heart, and he can't take it.
Because Kibum is tired, tired of pretending that everything's alright when it isn't. He's tired of putting on a mask that hides the real him all the goddamn time. But hey, he's an idol, I guess it comes with the job, right?
Jonghyun pats the back of the younger one comfortingly, and shushes him down; the others might wake up, he says.
It's already morning when Kibum stops, and Jonghyun doesn't get any sleep. But it's okay, he thinks, anything to make Kibum feel better.
"I know you're sleeping, and you probably can't hear me right now, but Kibum, you know you don't have to hide anything from me, right? I'm here whenever you need me, I'll always be here." he whispers into the raven's ear and kisses the top of his head.
A small smile forms upon Kibum's lips, and Jonghyun slips his arm around the younger one, and tries to drift off to sleep in the little amount of time he had left.
Because if there's someone who can always see through that mask, see the real Kibum, it's none other than Jonghyun.
"I'll always be here..." Jonghyun repeats sluggishly, and falls asleep.
ugh. idek. Wrote this in 10 minutes, and I gotta go, but I felt like I needed to write this, because I, too, am tired of pretending. ._.